Are You Killing Your Child's Creative Spirit?

As parents, we can all take a lesson from this Maya Angelou quote:

We are all creative, but by the time we are three or four years old, someone has knocked the creativity out of us. Some people shut up the kids who start to tell stories. Kids dance in their cribs, but someone will insist they sit still. By the time the creative people are ten or twelve, they want to be like everyone else.

How many times have you corrected a picture drawn by your child that includes a purple cow, a green cat and a little kid that was taller than the house? For whatever reason, adults seem to have forgotten that the purple cow, the green cat and the super tall kid do exist! Only in the mind and imagination (or lack there of) of an adult whose creative spirit was murdered by uncreative adults do they not exist. Unfortunately, even with the good intention to help the child see and understand the world, the end up killing the child's creative spirit.

I heard a story once of a little boy who knew about the cow, the cat, and the super kid. He would draw them and their close relatives (the red frog, the pink rabbit, and the yellow skunk who all live under the blue sun) in pictures all the time. Well, the little boy started school--big boy school. He entered his classroom from a door on the outside of the building and was very excited. On the first day, the teacher told the children they were going to draw pictures today. The little boy was very happy! He loved to draw. The teacher passed paper to each child and placed a basket of crayons on each table. The little boy immediately went to work on his new masterpiece. A few minutes went by and the teacher noticed the little boy working vigorously on his picture and instructed him to stop--for she hadn't given the directions yet. The teacher began to tell the children about today's art project. The teacher told the class that they would be drawing flowers today. "Great!", thought the little boy. He loved to draw flowers and he was really good at it. He grabbed the orange, blue, purple and green crayons and began to draw. Again, the teacher stopped him--she hadn't finished. The flowers were to be red flowers with green stems. Disappointed, but still confident, the little boy asked if it was OK to start on his art now. The teacher said it was.

The next day, the teacher announced that it was time for art. Again she passed out paper and put the crayons in the baskets in the middle of the table. Again, the little boy began to draw. Again, he was instructed to stop. Today, the children would be drawing blue houses with red doors, four windows with yellow curtains and a chimney. Disappointed because he liked green houses with black doors and yellow chimneys, the little boy resolved to draw the best blue house with a red door, four windows with yellow curtains and a chimney that his teacher had ever seen.

On the third day, the children would do another drawing. Instead of beginning to draw on his own the little boy waited for instructions from his teacher. Today, they would draw zoo animals--two brown horses, one pink pig and a farmer with blue overalls, a red long-sleeved shirt and black shoes. The teacher was very impressed with the little boy conforming to the standards of the classroom.

The little boy finished his year at that school and went to the big kid school. The school was much bigger, the halls wider and many more children. The little boy was so excited when he found out that there would be art class at his new school, too. When he got to class. The teacher asked the children to draw a picture. She passed out crayons (a box to each child) and paper. The children began to work on their pictures--all except the little boy. When the teacher noticed that he wasn't drawing, she asked him how come. The little boy then informed the teacher that she had failed to give complete instructions. She told him that he could draw whatever he wanted with any colors he chose. The little boy was so excited! He sat and thought about what he would draw--a blue horse, a yellow goose or a red frog. Then he go it! He would draw a red flower with a green stem...

The moral of the story: Children need creative time that is free from un-imaginative, cookie cutter adults who had their creativity killed at some earlier point in their lives. Art is a great way for children to express themselves. Art should not be right or wrong. The art experience is way more important than the finished product. While adult facilitated interactions have their place, the adult's role in creating an art project is to present the idea that gets the child started in the creative process and to encourage the child to continue to create. Children should always have the freedom to create a piece that is totally their own and is free from oversight, judgement and criticism.

So as always, my goal is to provide practical insight into parenting and how to be the best parent you could possibly be. Here are some things you can do to enable your children to let their creative juices flow:

1. Set a time for an artist date (a designated time for your child to be undisturbed and able to create freely). Maybe an hour or two on Saturday morning will work.
2. When your child is telling a story, engage him or her. Ask question that require the child to continue to develop the story (Why did the character do that? What did he do next? What did the other characters think about that?).
3. Instead of asking "What is that", when your child shows you a piece of art, ask them to tell you about the piece.
4. Allow them to create freely. Instead of asking the child to draw a red car, simply ask them to draw a car. Allow them to fill in the details from their imaginations.
5. Keep plenty of paint, crayons, Play-Doh, paper, markers, chalk and other art supplies handy.
6. Recognize that messes are learning experiences. MESSES ARE GOING TO HAPPEN. When you try too hard to keep the child from making a mess, you hinder the creative and cognitive processes. In making a mess, children learn about texture, cause and effect and how things work among other things. (HINT: Have a specified area to create art projects--one that is free from things that may get damaged if scribbled on.)
7. Have a highly visible area to display the child's art work. Maybe the refrigerator, the walls in the child's room, or in frames in the living room are appropriate for you...

So all in all, encourage your child's creativity. Let them create. No, sometimes it may not look like what you think it should, but they worked hard on it. Be proud of it any way. Challenge them to keep creating. Finally, challenge yourself to tap into your creative juices. Its therapeutic and I am sure that you will begin to love it. Always strive to be a better You.

These are my observations about life. If I am not Me, no one else can be. If I don't give you Me, no one else will so until next time, I'm...

Just Nedra

Profanity to Discipline? Really?

OK, so help me understand this...Why is it that some parents think it is OK for them to cuss at their children to discipline or just talk to them. Why is it that as a parent, you haven't taken it upon yourself to better yourself for your children? Don't get me wrong, I know that 99.9% of all parents have directed some sort of profane word towards their children. I am not talking about the occasional "damn it" or WTH or something "mild". I am talking about dropping consistent F-bombs at your children, calling them MF'rs, including s#!t after every three words and other heavy hitters....

When, where, and how did this get to be OK? What are you doing? Do you realize that the things that you say to your kids come back out at you or someone else? Do you realize that these are neither appropriate parenting techniques nor vocabulary words for your child to have? How could you possibly think that it is OK for you to speak to a child like that? Do you have any idea how this is going to affect this child later on?

If your child is standing in the grocery store line and asks for a piece of candy (which is purposely put at their height), why are you cussing the child out for asking? It was just a question (A stern no would suffice for an answer)! That is in his nature. The candy is sweet and they know it! They ask because you have probably purchased it before for them. That is not the child's fault...even if you told them not to ask, there are more appropriate ways to let them know that you are not going to buy it. Calling the child sorry (which in turn makes the kid cry) and then calling them a 'spoiled a$$ mf'er' is definitely a sign that you probably shouldn't have had children.

Now, with practical parenting, my goal is to make sure that my readers leave with a practical nugget of parenting wisdom. So here they are:

1. Treat your children with respect. They learn how to treat others by the way you treat them.
2. You teach your children how to talk to you. When your child raises his or her voice at you, remember how you speak to them.
3. Your children are not the source of your frustrations and should not be treated as though they are. You chose to have them. Do us all a favor and make a decision to raise them right.
4. If your parents talked to you like that and you think you turned out OK, take a serious inventory of your life. I am sure you will find an area or two that you struggle in (self-esteem, poverty mentality, unprofessionalism, etc).
5. As parents, we teach what we know. Make a conscious effort to learn to do better.

This blog is in no way intended to be judgmental. Like I said, we teach what we know. We can't teach better until we decide to do better. Become a better you in whatever you do.

These are my observations about life. If I am not Me, no one else can be. If I don't give you Me, no one else will so until next time, I'm...

Just Nedra